Its been a reflective couple of days. Kinda the opposite of what I wanted. Yes the return of Action Man Newt (now with gripping hands and 10 corny catch phrases at a pull of a string*) is what is needed here, with Rach still working on nights and her parents inbound this Tuesday. Saying this around all the constructive day dreaming I’ve been doing the last couple of days I’ve done a fair bit. Just need to polish up quite literally, then hopefully house will be critism proof.

Things I’ve realised about myself over the last couple of days.

• Even when I’m beyond dog tired I can operate effectively. I’ve hidden reserves that if I relax mentally and physically my spirit will follow. This is the essence of Wu-wei. I’ve always known this, appreciated the theory, held it in the palm of my hand, sniffed its sweet aroma just under my nose. Now I can be it. Watch out world is all I can say.
• There’s a lot more to the world than I led myself to believe. I look at what I’ve archived over the last 15-5 years and it makes my head spin. Most of this change has been achived through stepping outside my comfort zone. Guess who’s going to be playing it alot fast and loose from now on?
• I should get off my regret trip that I’m not 25 anymore. Of course I am!! I’m 25, 20, 30, 5 etc. I’ve not lost anything I’ve gained over the past years. I can still be teenager with the best of them. I should enjoy bloosming into adult hood and not let regret over the past hold me back.
• “You’ve got to keep your sense of humour” (gleaned through intense conversation with representatives of my personal demons, in Have a Beer with Fear pt2 last lonely Saturday night.)
• Compassion will keep me moving on and dealing with the obstacles. There’s allot of pain and suffering around and in me at the moment. Self-pity, self-loathing, fear and anger are all false illusions thrown up by very real causes, that can be healed with a smile and by engaging the heart. If I keep any of this in my mind consciously I want this to be it**
• I really should look after physical needs more. I’ve been suffering from stress and paranoia lately, which is mainly down to me being physically wired. So in the new year no beer at home or fatty comfort foods. Diet now or Die sooner. Sleep is my friend, I’m a early morning person*** now, stop being a stroppy teenager and go to bed early!
• Level 42 still rocks my boat after all these years!!

Notes
* Talking Action Man Commander was my favourite Action man of all time, until I lost him swimming in the sea on holiday. Boy did I manfully (for an eight year old) cry that day
** Of course I’ll gradually lose this Zen like state, and forget all this over the next cycle of a months. Ah well such is the way of the Tao.
*** Actually I joined this rather strange club when I hit 30.